People who make their cars retarded, and reduce their already poor performance

Posted in Idiots at 8:56 pm by blog

I was driving along a very familiar road… This particular road consists of 10 miles of dual-carriageway, a roundabout, and 10 more miles of dual carriageway ending in a reasonably steep hill for about the last mile.

I was driving along this road, nearing the roundabout in the middle, using cruise control set to 80mph when some moron in a tiny tin pot little car overtook me at about 90mph. I believe it was a “Fiat Punto”, that had a large aftermarket spoiler, an incredibly noisy exhaust system and lots of neon lights. Not only was the exhaust noisy, but it wasn’t the powerfull sound you hear from a performance car, it was the pathetic whine you hear from a cheap low performance car with broken mufflers.

We then both slowed down for the roundabout, at this point i began regaining ground on him, as his obviously rather shit car had to slow down massively to make the turn.
Past the roundabout, i allowed the cruise control to accelerate me back to 80mph and continue my journey, during this accelerating i overtook him again and put some considerable distance between us as his feeble engine strained to accelerate the weight of his car plus all the accessories.

A few more miles down the road, he had finally reached 90mph again and manage to overtake me again, only to be greeted by the mile-long hill near the end of the road. This hill caused his feeble vehicle to decelerate to around 50mph, resulting in me overtaking him yet again.

Now, his car was a heap of shit, no two ways about it. In it’s default state it performs poorly and is hardly comfortable to ride in. And yet, he spent a considerable amount of money on ridiculous accessories like neon lights, side skirts, a huge sound system, a louder exhaust and a spoiler.

Now on a high performance car, a spoiler will increase downforce. This is needed when a car has more power than it does grip, so it can transfer more of that power into the road. But when a car is underpowered to begin with, a spoiler just causes drag and slows it down.

This idiot, spent all this money and for what, to make his car look stupid and perform poorly. He made a shit car even more shit, while spending so much money on it he could have bought a better car to start with.


  1. Project-SJ said,

    May 22, 2007 at 8:12 pm


    I see it all the time! I’m a mobile engineer by trade, and drive about 100,000 miles a year. I can picture the car you talk of now…

    I have a 2006 VW Transporter. The secret thing about it, is that it looks like a company van… But… Under the bonnet is a 3.5 litre, V6 TDI giving me a whopping great 184 BHP – With the chip running at its lowest efficientcey, I get around 220BHP. Enough to rip the pants off any little boys, with thier little toys. Its a great feeling when you see thier faces after thay catch up with you after ripping them off the lights etc… They dont half look confused…

    I once asked one of them… ‘That car… Did you apply loads of super glue and ram raid Halfords or something???’… That gets em going!

    And to think, our heritage rests in thier hands!

    Dear oh dear..

  2. Alejandro said,

    September 5, 2007 at 6:29 am

    O yes your cars are very powerfull. How much oil can heat 10 L 15 L o 25 L are enougt to get 220 BHP.
    We have a litlle cars with liter engines 2000 CC and 220 240 bhp and eat 12 l. but don,t worrie all te petrol of the world are yours and gen it,s ended you can invade cuba and use oil.

  3. blog said,

    September 6, 2007 at 10:24 am

    I dont really understand what this guy said…
    But to reiterate, my point was:
    People often add go faster stripes, spoilers, louds exhausts etc to crap cars, which often actually REDUCES performance and fuel economy.

  4. Adam Bannister said,

    November 14, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    i think what you are saying is so true it made me laugh , and should i come into contact with these lads (which i do quite often) you have given me some great technical info. to fire at them and make them feel as stupid as they look in there little fart boxes.

    well done that man!

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